Anita的筆記本

兒子要出遠門

第一個孩子，從出生到成人，遇到的事情對爸媽來說，有太多的第一次。

老二老三出生，都可以照著哥哥姊姊帶。

但是第一次總是有那麼多的手忙腳亂。像是

餵奶、換尿片、洗澡、哄睡；打預防針、發燒、不斷嘔吐；學坐馬桶、學講話、學拿筷子；上幼稚園、上小學、上國中、高中、大學；考基測、考學測、考托福、當兵、退伍、出國...... ( 我們暫且不要去想什麼結婚抱孫跟親家搏感情什麼的。抖抖抖 )

記得兒子大學到台南求學時，我們非常不捨，又非常擔心，不知道沒離過家的孩子能不能在外地生存。

等平安過了一年換女兒要到更遠的台東讀書的時候，我們已經可以知道孩子在外地求學是怎麼一回事，雖然 18歲小女生讓爸媽覺得很不捨，但不會那麼擔心了。

這次兒子要出國留學，又是另一次擔心。

這趟出國留學除了爸爸協助刷卡繳學費繳房租付機票錢之外，其他所有的申請手續和簽證都是兒子自己處理。可是離出國日子越靠近卻還搞不定學校宿舍的時候，我其實很焦慮。腦子出現電影畫面，開始擔心他會不會在半路被搶，流落街頭?

我是有先幫他打聽住加州的表弟，確定至少可以讓兒子住他們家客廳直到他找到房子。

但我能做的，也只有這樣了。

如果我們家有大把鈔票，我們就可以全家陪他出國，幫他在學校附近(在好萊塢耶!) 買一棟房子和一輛跑車。如果他願意，也可以幫他買個文憑買個學位。

但是，我們是個非常非常普通的家庭。孩子出國我們要貸款，要設法；我們沒有辦法幫孩子鋪一條安逸的路，只能鼓勵他們要堅強，要靠自己，走穩自己真正想走的路。

我想起美國首席大法官羅伯茲先生 (John Roberts) 去年在他兒子高中畢業典禮的致詞。 他沒有期許畢業生前程似錦，他反而希望他們「被不公平對待、遭遇背叛、感到孤獨」，這樣他們就能體會「公平正義、忠誠、友誼」的可貴。

我也希望我的孩子們，遇到困難時能把這些遭遇當成未來前進的經驗，最後還能當做自己的英雄故事或笑話，講給子孫們聽。(像我，糗事笑話就一籮筐!!)

我們鼓勵孩子們，靠著自己走，遇到困難要「勇敢」面對。

雖然逃避不可恥，但不去想辦解決，問題永遠都在。

既使跌跌撞撞，我相信都是一種操練，爸媽都會是孩子們的後盾，更為孩子們天天禱告。

但爸媽很有限，未必能及時協助他們。
感謝上帝!我們最幸福的是，我們有上帝可以依靠。

唯有上帝是永遠的堅固磐石，祂是我們的避難所，是我們的力量，是我們在患難中隨時的幫助。

我們衷心地祝福、勉勵我們的孩子們:

「你當剛強壯膽，不要懼怕，也不要驚惶，

因為你無論往哪裡去，耶和華你的神必與你同在。」(約書亞記 1:9)

以下是羅伯茲先生 精彩的致詞，與你分享。
https://buzzorange.com/2017/07/11/the-judge-gave-touching-graduation-speech/

通常畢業致詞者會祝你們好運還會祝你們心想事成，但我不會這麼做。我會告訴你們原因。

在接下來數年的三不五時間，我希望你們被不公平對待，如此你們才知道公平正義的重要。我希望你們遭遇背叛，如此才知道忠誠的重要性。很抱歉要這麼說，但我希望你們有時感到孤單，這樣才不會把朋友當作理所當然。

我希望你們三不五時遭遇不幸，如此才能意識到機率和運氣在人生中扮演的角色，了解成功不是完全你所應得的，而他人的失敗也不是他們所應得的結果。

當你們失敗時，人生三不五時一定會有失敗，我希望你的對手會對你的失敗幸災樂禍，讓你們理解運動家精神的重要性。

我希望你們遭忽視，如此才會知道聆聽他人的重要性，我還希望你們遭遇足夠的痛苦來學習同理心。

不管是否來自我的希望，這些事終究會發生。 至於你們是否能從中獲利，則取決於你們從不幸中獲得訊息的能力。

畢業致詞者通常會給學生一些建議。他們會給一些廣泛的建議，也會給一些有用的小撇步。最常給的建議就是：做自己。給所有穿著一樣的人如此建議實在有點怪，但你們確實應該做自己。只是你們得了解做自己的意義何在。除非你很完美，否則做自己不代表不能接受改變。

在某些狀況來說，你不應該做自己，而是應該變成更好的人。大家說『做自己』是因為他們希望你們能阻擋外界要求你們做的事， 但除非你們了解自己是誰，或思考過自己是誰，否則無法『做自己』。

影片: https://youtu.be/Gzu9S5FL-Ug?t=338

完整的英文演講文字:

Thank you very much.

Rain, somebody said, is like confetti from heaven. So even the heavens are celebrating this morning, joining the rest of us at this wonderful commencement ceremony. Before we go any further, graduates, you have an important task to perform because behind you are your parents and guardians. Two or three or four years ago, they drove into Cardigan, dropped you off, helped you get settled and then turned around and drove back out the gates. It was an extraordinary sacrifice for them. They drove down the trail of tears back to an emptier and lonelier house. They did that because the decision about your education, they knew, was about you. It was not about them. That sacrifice and others they made have brought you to this point. But this morning is not just about you. It is also about them, so I hope you will stand up and turn around and give them a great round of applause. Please.

Now when somebody asks me how the remarks at Cardigan went, I will be able to say they were interrupted by applause. Congratulations, class of 2017. You’ve reached an important milestone. An important stage of your life is behind you. I’m sorry to be the one to tell you it is the easiest stage of your life, but it is in the books. While you’ve been at Cardigan, you have all been a part of an important international community as well. And I think that needs to be particularly recognized.

[Roberts gave brief remarks in other languages.]

Now around the country today at colleges, high schools, middle schools, commencement speakers are standing before impatient graduates. And they are almost always saying the same things. They will say that today is a commencement exercise. ‘It is a beginning, not an end. You should look forward.’ And I think that is true enough, however, I think if you’re going to look forward to figure out where you’re going, it’s good to know where you’ve been and to look back as well. And I think if you look back to your first afternoon here at Cardigan, perhaps you will recall that you were lonely. Perhaps you will recall that you were a little scared, a little anxious. And now look at you. You are surrounded by friends that you call brothers, and you are confident in facing the next step in your education.

It is worth trying to think why that is so. And when you do, I think you may appreciate that it was because of the support of your classmates in the classroom, on the athletic field and in the dorms. And as far as the confidence goes, I think you will appreciate that it is not because you succeeded at everything you did, but because with the help of your friends, you were not afraid to fail. And if you did fail, you got up and tried again. And if you failed again, you got up and tried again. And if you failed again, it might be time to think about doing something else. But it was not just success, but not being afraid to fail that brought you to this point.

Now the commencement speakers will typically also wish you good luck and extend good wishes to you. I will not do that, and I’ll tell you why. From time to time in the years to come, I hope you will be treated unfairly, so that you will come to know the value of justice. I hope that you will suffer betrayal because that will teach you the importance of loyalty. Sorry to say, but I hope you will be lonely from time to time so that you don’t take friends for granted. I wish you bad luck, again, from time to time so that you will be conscious of the role of chance in life and understand that your success is not completely deserved and that the failure of others is not completely deserved either. And when you lose, as you will from time to time, I hope every now and then, your opponent will gloat over your failure. It is a way for you to understand the importance of sportsmanship. I hope you’ll be ignored so you know the importance of listening to others, and I hope you will have just enough pain to learn compassion. Whether I wish these things or not, they’re going to happen. And whether you benefit from them or not will depend upon your ability to see the message in your misfortunes.

Now commencement speakers are also expected to give some advice. They give grand advice, and they give some useful tips. The most common grand advice they give is for you to be yourself. It is an odd piece of advice to give people dressed identically, but you should — you should be yourself. But you should understand what that means. Unless you are perfect, it does not mean don’t make any changes. In a certain sense, you should not be yourself. You should try to become something better. People say ‘be yourself’ because they want you to resist the impulse to conform to what others want you to be. But you can’t be yourself if you don’t learn who are, and you can’t learn who you are unless you think about it.

The Greek philosopher Socrates said, ‘The unexamined life is not worth living.’ And while ‘just do it’ might be a good motto for some things, it’s not a good motto when it’s trying to figure out how to live your life that is before you. And one important clue to living a good life is to not to try to live the good life. The best way to lose the values that are central to who you are is frankly not to think about them at all.

So that’s the deep advice. Now some tips as you get ready to go to your new school. Other the last couple of years, I have gotten to know many of you young men pretty well, and I know you are good guys. But you are also privileged young men. And if you weren’t privileged when you came here, you are privileged now because you have been here. My advice is: Don’t act like it.

When you get to your new school, walk up and introduce yourself to the person who is raking the leaves, shoveling the snow or emptying the trash. Learn their name and call them by their name during your time at the school. Another piece of advice: When you pass by people you don’t recognize on the walks, smile, look them in the eye and say hello. The worst thing that will happen is that you will become known as the young man who smiles and says hello, and that is not a bad thing to start with.

You’ve been at a school with just boys. Most of you will be going to a school with girls. I have no advice for you.

The last bit of advice I’ll give you is very simple, but I think it could make a big difference in your life. Once a week, you should write a note to someone. Not an email. A note on a piece of paper. It will take you exactly 10 minutes. Talk to an adult, let them tell you what a stamp is. You can put the stamp on the envelope. Again, 10 minutes, once a week. I will help you, right now. I will dictate to you the first note you should write. It will say, ‘Dear [fill in the name of a teacher at Cardigan Mountain School].’ Say: ‘I have started at this new school. We are reading [blank] in English. Football or soccer practice is hard, but I’m enjoying it. Thank you for teaching me.’ Put it in an envelope, put a stamp on it and send it. It will mean a great deal to people who — for reasons most of us cannot contemplate — have dedicated themselves to teaching middle school boys. As I said, that will take you exactly 10 minutes a week. By the end of the school year, you will have sent notes to 40 people. Forty people will feel a little more special because you did, and they will think you are very special because of what you did. No one else is going to carry that dividend during your time at school.

Enough advice. I would like to end by reading some important lyrics. I cited the Greek philosopher Socrates earlier. These lyrics are from the great American philosopher, Bob Dylan. They’re almost 50 years old. He wrote them for his son, Jesse, who he was missing while he was on tour. It lists the hopes that a parent might have for a son and for a daughter. They’re also good goals for a son and a daughter. The wishes are beautiful, they’re timeless. They’re universal. They’re good and true, except for one: It is the wish that gives the song its title and its refrain. That wish is a parent’s lament. It’s not a good wish. So these are the lyrics from Forever Young by Bob Dylan:

May God bless you and keep you always
May your wishes all come true
May you always do for others
And let others do for you
May you build a ladder to the stars
And climb on every rung
And may you stay forever young

May you grow up to be righteous
May you grow up to be true
May you always know the truth
And see the lights surrounding you
May you always be courageous
Stand upright and be strong
And may you stay forever young

May your hands always be busy
May your feet always be swift
May you have a strong foundation
When the winds of changes shift
May your heart always be joyful
May your song always be sung
And may you stay forever young

Thank you.

http://time.com/4845150/chief-justice-john-roberts-commencement-speech-transcript/)